Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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