Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
