I didn't shave. On purpose
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize