also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My ass is underappreciated
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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