***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
