I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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