bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
