Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
