God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
