Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
