I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
