You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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