How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
