I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
