Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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