perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
why is half of my head shaved?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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