I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
