i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
