I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
