My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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