she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Randomize
