i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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