Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
