Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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