did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
