Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
