i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the liver wants what the liver wants
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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