Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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