brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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