Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
