Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
