It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
