turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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