i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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