so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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