i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
