stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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