You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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