How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
