What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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