I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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