So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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