i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
