i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
