I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize