i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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