I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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