Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
