Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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