so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
