Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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