do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
