You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
