just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
