my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
