I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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