Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
