My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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