It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
