I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
