you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
