called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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