Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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