it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
