the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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