i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My vagina is officially offended.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
