I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
