i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hippo gnu deer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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