i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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