At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
