I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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