oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize