Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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