Soap is not a condiment
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
