after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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