I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
