Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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