Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
