I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
