i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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