They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
