How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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