make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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