I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
