Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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