you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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