Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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