Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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