I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
