was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
