As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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