Pregnant stripper...not hot.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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