STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
