i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
