Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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