Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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