the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
