apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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