The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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