Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
