There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
