girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
