I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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