Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize