Are we in a gay sports bar?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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