i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
