And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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