Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
