dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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