1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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