is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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