I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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