boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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