Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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