no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
