normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
