my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
